Humor & Parody • Republic of Uncommon Sense •
In this State of the Republic Ghana satire, everything begins on time—except common sense.As he took the podium, the Minister of Protocol whispered a prayer that the microphone would not disgrace the nation before international cameras. A child in the gallery sneezed. Somewhere, a drone flew too low. But the President stood tall — confident like a man whose teleprompter owes him allegiance.
Thunderous applause followed. The Minister of Borrowing smiled like a man whose KPIs had just been confirmed. Even the Speaker nodded, as if debt were the new prosperity.
On Roads and Infrastructure
“Last year,” the President continued, “we promised roads. This year, we have delivered billboards announcing those roads. Next year, we shall deliver the sod-cutting ceremonies.”
The crowd roared. The Minister of Roads took notes. Parliamentarians broke into song — “Yeeko Construction!” — a hit that has topped the charts since 2016.
He spoke proudly of the Eastern Corridor Highway, which has become so familiar to journalists that it now qualifies as a tourist site. “Every kilometer is progress,” he declared, “and progress, as you know, takes time — and patience — and another loan.”
On Energy and Light Intermissions
Turning to energy, the President brightened his tone. “We no longer experience dumsor,” he said confidently. “We experience light intermissions.”
The Minister of Energy bowed, phone torchlight glowing in reverence. “The future is bright,” the President added, “especially when you can afford a generator.”
He credited his administration for “revolutionizing street lighting across the nation,” a statement which caused a brief blackout in the chamber. The audience clapped in darkness, to demonstrate national unity.
On Education
“Every child,” he continued, “deserves free education.” A murmur of agreement filled the hall. “That’s why we’ve made school uniforms optional, textbooks theoretical, and homework a national debate.”
He noted that the government had digitized libraries before buying books — “because in this Republic, we leap before we look.” The Minister of Education nodded furiously, his laptop proudly displaying ‘No Internet Connection.’
The President promised to “build 200 new schools across all regions” — a commitment warmly received by the ghost of last year’s uncompleted classrooms.
On Health
“Health is wealth,” he declared, pausing for effect. “That is why we are investing heavily in hospital blueprints.”
He praised the Agenda 111 hospitals — a national miracle visible mainly on PowerPoint. “Even though some sites have no land yet,” he said, “our commitment stands firm — on paper.”
At this point, the Minister of Health adjusted his mask to hide a smile. The nation’s nurses watched from their TV sets, some still waiting for their first salary since graduation.
On the Environment
The President’s tone deepened. “We are winning the fight against galamsey,” he said solemnly. “The rivers are turning gold again — literally.”
The Minister for Water Resources nodded, sipping imported bottled water. “We have introduced new measures,” the President continued, “to ensure that our rivers flow with renewed confidence.”
He paused to adjust his glasses. “True, some rivers have changed colour, but that only shows their diversity.” The crowd clapped. The clergy crossed themselves.
He concluded the section with a Ghanaian proverb: “When the river loses its voice, even the frogs fall silent.” Then he quickly added, “But in this government, no frog shall go unheard.”
On the Economy
Now the hall leaned forward. It was time for the numbers.
“The economy,” he said proudly, “is stable — like a plastic chair in a storm.”
He boasted of GDP growth and investor confidence, assuring citizens that “inflation is under control.” A journalist coughed discreetly. “It’s the citizens who are out of control,” the President added, “refusing to adjust their pockets to current realities.”
The Minister of Finance, wearing his favorite white apparel of calm denial, nodded solemnly. The crowd clapped again — an act of faith rather than agreement.
On Technology and Innovation
“We are a digital nation,” the President proclaimed. “From e-levy to e-justice, we are moving from analog problems to digital ones.”
He commended the youth for embracing online work — though many, he said, were “still buffering.” The Minister for Communications smiled into her phone camera, livestreaming the speech on a platform no one could afford data to watch.
On Foreign Relations
“Our international image,” he announced, “is shining brighter than the bulbs at Kotoka Airport.”
He praised the IMF as “our longest-serving development partner — not by exit, but by endurance.” The diplomats applauded politely, unsure whether it was a compliment or confession.
The Grand Closing
As he wrapped up, the President raised his hands. “Fellow Ghanaians, we are on the right path,” he said. “We may not have reached the destination, but the fuel is expensive and the journey continues.”
The band struck up the national song “Arise, Ghana Youth for Your Pocket”, and the crowd cheered. Drones captured the moment. The camera panned across smiling ministers, proud of a country perpetually under construction.
The President left the podium to thunderous applause, while the Speaker whispered, “Same time next year.”
Outside, the street vendors resumed business. The roads remained bumpy, the lights flickered, and the rivers ran their own commentary downstream.
That night, the nation slept — comforted by words, soothed by hope, and reminded once more that this State of the Republic Ghana satire lives on PowerPoint, promise, and prayer.
📘 Once Upon a Time in Ghana — Satirical Chronicles from the Republic
A witty, proverb-laced collection that skewers our daily absurdities with warmth and wisdom. Perfect for readers who like their truth sprinkled with laughter.
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