Funeral of Common Sense

(A Dispatch from the Republic of Uncommon Sense)

Today, the Republic gathered under cloudy skies to witness the Funeral of Common Sense, an old friend finally laid to rest after years of neglect. She had been sick for years, coughing through campaign seasons and gasping for breath each election year. Doctors warned she wouldn’t make it past the next scandal, but as usual, nobody listened. When the news finally broke that she had died, the nation wore black — at least on Facebook.

The funeral was quiet. A few sensible people came late because the invitation didn’t include “protocol.” The pallbearers were politicians — strong enough to carry the coffin but too weak to carry responsibility. The priest, with a voice like a policy document, prayed for the “next of kin: Wisdom and Integrity,” who, he said, had been missing since the coup of Conscience.

Even Logic, that distant cousin who studied abroad, arrived late, complaining about potholes on the road to Reason. “You people have buried her too soon,” he muttered, “she was only sleeping through another press conference.”

Cause of Death: Multiple Organ Failure in Leadership

The doctors said Common Sense died of multiple organ failure — the heart of leadership, the brain of morality, and the spine of accountability all gave way. Some whispered that she choked on promises too big to swallow. Others blamed her long-term addiction to the painkillers of “We will fix it.”

At the Ministry of Explanations, a spokesperson clarified: “Common Sense wasn’t killed — she merely transitioned into an advisory role.” Meanwhile, Corruption, wearing dark shades, arrived at the mortuary with a bouquet of tax exemptions and whispered to the body, “Rest easy, old friend. You fought the good fight — and lost.”

The autopsy report was filed under National Secrets. Rumour says it revealed a blockage in the arteries of Parliament — caused by cholesterol deposits of greed, partisanship, and per diem. The Funeral of Common Sense reminded the nation that leadership without morality is just organized confusion.

The Funeral of Common Sense: The Mourners and Their Crocodile Tears

Oh, what a crowd! The mourners came in numbers that would impress even a political rally. Some cried, others took selfies. Civil servants arrived early in their funeral cloth, grateful for a Saturday free of supervision.

Politicians wiped tears with fresh contract papers, and bureaucrats shook their heads in disbelief — wondering who would now write their memos for them. Even Hypocrisy, wearing designer mourning cloth, whispered to Nepotism, “We must keep her memory alive — at least until campaign season.”

One woman wept uncontrollably. “She warned us,” she cried. “She told us to think before voting, to fix the gutters before flooding, to read the fine print before signing the loan. But we chose vibes over vision.” Her friend patted her shoulder and said, “Take heart. There’s still Hope — though she’s in critical condition at the ICU of Accountability.”

The Eulogy – Delivered by Hypocrisy Himself

At the Funeral of Common Sense, even the hypocrites arrived early to give their speeches — some with tears, most with talking points.

Then came the eulogy, delivered by none other than Reverend Hypocrisy, wearing the collar of Concern and the perfume of Contradiction.

“Dearly beloved,” he began, “we are gathered here not to mourn, but to trend.” He cleared his throat dramatically. “Common Sense was a good woman. She taught us that you cannot plant cassava and harvest cocoa. But in our wisdom, we replaced her with a new mentor — Common Practice.”

The crowd nodded solemnly. The Reverend continued, “She told us to pay teachers and nurses on time, to protect our rivers and forests, to tell the truth even when it hurts. But we said, ‘No, Father, we prefer something modern — something digital.’ And now we are all suffering from poor network in the signal of Reason.”

He ended with a moment of silence. But even that was broken by the ringtone of a mourner’s phone — playing “Money Stops Nonsense.”

Ghost Sightings: The Hope for a Resurrection

They say Common Sense didn’t die completely. Some claim to have seen her ghost hovering around school debates, community clean-ups, and WhatsApp groups where people still spell words correctly. She appears in traffic lights that actually work and in homes where children still greet elders without prompting.

In some villages, she’s been sighted at dawn, following teachers who still show up despite unpaid salaries. In others, she lingers near rivers, whispering warnings to those who wash gold with mercury.

But she never stays long. The noise of politics and the smell of galamsey smoke drive her away.

Still, the priest promised resurrection. “On the third day of Accountability,” he declared, “she shall rise again — if the soil of stupidity doesn’t hold her down.”

The Republic’s Last Word

As the coffin was lowered, thunder rumbled — perhaps Heaven’s applause for the final joke. Someone shouted, “Rest in peace, Common Sense!” Another replied, “She won’t. Not until she haunts the powerful tonight.”

In the Republic of Uncommon Sense, we bury wisdom with fanfare and resurrect foolishness with policy. Yet, as the elders say, “The goat that refuses to learn from the lion’s story will end up at the zoo of shame.”

So let us leave the cemetery wiser than we came. Because somewhere between our noise and our nonsense, Common Sense might just be listening — waiting for an invitation to return. The Funeral of Common Sense may be over, but her ghost still lingers in our conscience — waiting to rise again.

👻 May her ghost haunt the powerful tonight.

Read more Republic satire like The Republic of Galamsey.

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