NPP primaries prophecy satire: prophecy versus delegates in the Republic of Uncommon Sense — *NPP primaries prophecy meets the Republic of Delegates.*

NPP primaries prophecy reveals how political visions collide with democratic reality in Ghana.

The NPP primaries prophecy began with a Vision. And it was very confident.
Facebook believed. WhatsApp forwarded.
Only the delegates missed the memo.

THE BOOK OF PRIMARIES: WHEN PROPHECY MET THE BALLOT BOX

Once upon a time in the Republic of Uncommon Sense, elections were not decided by delegates. They were decided by revelations—delivered with reverb, scripture, and a confidence so loud even doubt had to reduce volume.

So when some self-acclaimed prophets of God proclaimed a win for Kennedy Agyapong in the just-ended NPP contest, it was not prediction. It was proclamation. Not may. Not perhaps. But shall.

The Republic of Two Electoral Systems

This year’s New Patriotic Party (NPP) primaries reminded us that Ghana now runs two parallel electoral systems:

Delegates vote (old-fashioned, slow, deeply human).
Prophets announce results (fast, confident, spiritually high-definition).

The prophetic route was smooth—no queues, no collation, no pink sheets. Just bold declarations, media tours, and a spiritual certainty delivered like a press conference from the sky.

The Delegate, Otherwise Known as “Small God”

Then primary day came and the Republic encountered a small theological problem:

The prophets had spoken… but the delegates had not been informed.

Overnight, “the grassroots” stopped being a poetic concept and became sacred ground. Convoys learned humility around speed ramps. Handshakes became longer. Smiles became national assets. Promises became firmer than bank loans—especially the ones without paperwork.

And then the results began to speak.

Suddenly, NPP primaries prophecy developed footnotes. Words like conditional, timing, and mystery entered the chat. In the Republic, prophecy never fails. It only reschedules.

When Heaven Refreshed the Page

As results trickled in, prophets refreshed their feeds like everyone else.

“Let’s wait.”
“Let’s be calm.”
“God is still working.”

Angels, we are told, were seen holding calculators. Cherubim argued over pink sheets. Someone whispered: “Man of God, have you tried turning the NPP primaries prophecy off and on again?”

Then reality entered the room—without knocking.

Voices From the Public Square

Ah yes—the public square. Ghana’s most reliable collation centre. The comments arrived with the usual national efficiency:

“So God changed His mind?”
“Next time, prophesy lotto numbers.”
“It was spiritual victory, physical delay.”
“Kennected or Bawulated?”

Some defended the prophets with advanced theology: “God’s timing is different.” Others were less charitable: “Bro, the delegates didn’t attend the prayer meeting.”

The Apology Revival

Then came the new altar call.

“I am sorry.”
“I take responsibility.”
“I was wrong.”

Public apologies appeared like confession booths on social media. Some were sincere. Others were worded like insurance policies. The prophecy, we were told, was genuine. The outcome was… mysterious.

A Rival Prophet Enters: Spiritual VAR

As if on cue, another prophet stepped forward. “I prayed against it.”

Ah. So it wasn’t democracy. It was spiritual VAR.

Prophet versus prophet. Prayer versus counter-prayer. Revelation versus revelation. Meanwhile, the delegates went home to eat, drink, and mind their business—because democracy may be dramatic, but it doesn’t require anointing oil.

A Gentle Moral (Because RUS Does Not Shout)

There is an old saying: When the drumbeat changes, the dancer must change steps.

NPP primaries prophecy may trend, but democracy does not attend all-night prayer meetings. The ballot box does not watch Facebook Live. And delegates, like rain, cannot be commanded—only courted.